Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
So for everyone planning on drinking and then driving tonight- Do me a favor please. Go full speed, no seatbelt, and hit the first pole, tree or wall you see. Kill yourself, not an innocent child or someone who doesnt need to drink to have a good 
It's now OFFICIAL!!! Facebook has become the weather channel.... Yes I know its nice outside...but thank you for the updates every other min!
Looking for a New Year's resolution? Why don't we work on that whole "your/you're" thing...
Prematurely panicked with all the blizzard warnings yesterday and ate my cat....now feeling remorseful.....
it's almost 2011....I still find it hard to believe I do not have my own robot yet. Damn you Jetsons.
Keep the smile, leave the tear, think of joy, forget the fear… hold the laugh, leave the pain, be joyous, coz it's New Years! HAPPY NEW YEAR! ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶
Oh Snap! Looked outside and there's white stuff all over the ground... Either it's snowing or Lindsay Lohan dropped her stash...
Beer is the path to the dark side. Beer leads to jager. Jager leads to hangover. Hangover leads to suffering.
While you're out eating and drinking after midnight please remember poor little Gizmo who isn't allowed to.
my New Years Resolution is to meet the lady that is no longer getting sex from her husband.
The New Year is ringing in, may all your Champagne wishes and Caviar Dreams come true!!
knockin' boots. Okay, maybe knockin' snow off my boots, but still.
May the blessings of the new year pass me by and find someone less fortunate. My life is not perfect but I have no reason to complain. I am lucky to have what I have.
reading Santa's Naughty Girls list...... Thank you Wikileaks
To my Family & Friends. There were probably many times this year when I may have disturbed you, troubled you, pestered you, irritated you, bugged you, or got on your nerves. So today I just wanted to tell you. Suck it up cupcake! There are NO CHANGES plan
New Year's Eve: Where old acquaintance be forgot...Unless, of course, those tests come back positive!
new years eve – one of the only days when it is socially acceptable to start drinking this early
Another year about to be in the past ~ a few ups & downs ~ some you remember ~ some you forget ~ New Year ahead ~ Dreams to Collect ~ I wish you all a New Year that is full of happy times, great memories, good health, contentment, and most of all LOVE ♥
My buddy Jim has an impressive New Year's resolution. No more sex, no beer, no football, no nights out with the guys and no looking at other women. He's getting married tonight!!
Beer companies keep telling you to think when you drink, but they think is that when you drink you can still think. The truth is, when you drink you can't think. So before you drink, think-- then don't drink. 