Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5365 of 6386
I blame my addiction on violent movies and video games on my dad giving me the movie RoboCop when I was 5.
If you're dyslexic then this numbers game is not for you!
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12-08-2010 20:12
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making "fruitcakes" out of stuff I find under my sofa cushions
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12-08-2010 19:48 by smeebert
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Banks today are sending out pre-declined offers!
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12-08-2010 19:22 by mhenry
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Someone needs to help Rihanna, she likes rude boys, loves it when people lie to her, and apparently forgot her name
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12-08-2010 18:42
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I'm pretty sure the Mayans just got tired of writing that calendar
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12-08-2010 18:41
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The hot neighbor chick snores. ...... When she's being watched....... From her closet. ..... Apparently!
Santa calls me a Ho three times when he sees me. Like he knows me or somethin...
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12-08-2010 16:59 by @Torren_T
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Women just sit there and let it finish dripping, where as Men will shake it till it's all out....that's what I've noticed at the GAS pumps.
WOW! I've just seen who STALKS me on Facebook! You can too! = You just got hacked sucka!!
Attention Please: Christmas has been canceled. Apparently when you told Santa you've been good this year, he died laughing.
Overheard at grocery: "Paper or plastic, sir?" "Doesn't matter. I'm bisacksual."
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12-08-2010 15:38 by jack
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Have you ever woke up wanting to smack someone for no apparent reason?
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12-08-2010 15:31
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Thinks that you people are just lucky that I am so terrified of Prison!!
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12-08-2010 15:21 by Heather25
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Sometimes you just gotta say "What is your major malfunction numb-nuts?"
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12-08-2010 15:20
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#891... you didnt inbox me a number but I've always wanted to say this to you. Your depressing posts piss me off to no end! You need a haircut, I dont think he loves you anymore either, and I really dont give a Shi! what adorable trick your cat did today!
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12-08-2010 15:19 by BOO
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Coffee's poured? Check. Facebook's running? Check. So far so good. Now I'm ready for the day to go to hell as usual.
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12-08-2010 15:14 by Heather25
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I have been hit hard with the "Your kids will turn out just like you" curse!
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12-08-2010 15:11 by Heather25
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Realizes that the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
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12-08-2010 15:09 by Heather25
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Its called investigating - NOT stalking!!
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12-08-2010 15:03
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