Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 5358 of 6446

   messageicon Coupon Susie and I were going to get married, but it turned out she just wasn't cut out for me.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 13:19 by JimmyC Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have been so lazy this week the the Government called and asked if I wanted a check!!!
←Rate | 01-07-2011 12:28 by wannaB Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks the world would be a lot more fun if people screamed when they yawned...
←Rate | 01-07-2011 12:15 by @The69Sheriff Comments (1)  


   messageicon wanna know why that dog hangs his head out the car window,cause the drivers breath stinks ,...
←Rate | 01-07-2011 12:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon still has a crush on Winnie Cooper.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 11:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon how you doing(in that guy with the golden voice kind of voice)
←Rate | 01-07-2011 11:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon got fired today but is planning on showing up to work tomorrow anyway hoping they forgot...
←Rate | 01-07-2011 10:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically in 2010, 43,869,800 people changed their relationship status to single yet I am still sitting home alone on Saturday night??
←Rate | 01-07-2011 10:21 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Dear other countries, we can't explain Jersey Shore's popularity either.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 09:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they're being annoying little bastrds.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter what I do... I always end up back to Facebook... I try to look for other things to do online... but apparently seeing other peoples statuses, conversations, pictures, videos, and occasionally getting poked entertains me...
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do people comment on picture 57/109 from a year ago because they want you to know they're a stalker?
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Idiot-[id-ee-uht] noun: One who disagrees with me. Synonyms: Fool, Half-wit, Imbecile, Twit, Moron
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Nothing funnier than a pissed off mall cop on a Segway. With those goofy helmets on, I just can't take them seriously.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're a millionaire and you don't have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you're wasting it.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon 's words to live by: Treat everyone you meet with dignity and respect but always have a plan to kill them.
←Rate | 01-07-2011 08:03 by Yaj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sky Sports – “David, you are planning a return to the Premier League, you have only ever played for one other team being Man United; have you thought about the stick?” David – “Yeah, she'll get used to it, she loves London.”
←Rate | 01-07-2011 07:23 by @clarkysj Comments (1)  


   messageicon I have finally been diagnosed...!!! I have a serious condition known as "Awesomeness" but don't worry, none of you can get it because its not contagious!!! ;)
←Rate | 01-07-2011 07:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon First the dead birs in Arkansas, now the 2 million dead fish in Maryland. Are we in a Michael Bay disaster movie?
←Rate | 01-07-2011 07:06 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left