Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5357 of 6446

what you dont see with your eyes dont witness with your mouth
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01-07-2011 20:20
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all females should smile it's the second best thing you can do with your lips
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01-07-2011 20:04
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Just finished reading the book, "What Women Want". It was a pretty lengthy but interesting I guess. I figured I would follow it up and read, "What Men Want", but I found out that it was just a pamphlet
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01-07-2011 19:58 by scottp
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What I miss most about having kids in diapers is that there was always a constant supply of diaper rash cream for the mornings after I ate Mexican food.
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01-07-2011 19:57 by Mike M
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we need more fathers and less sperm donors
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01-07-2011 19:49
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wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
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01-07-2011 19:47
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would really like to own a meat factory. My favorite line to scream at the employees would be "GET TO THE CHOPPA!"

It's always I before E. Isn't that weird?

I'm a damn good listener....just ask the tv!

Life is like an FB friend list, people come into your life an present unlimited possibilities. What you do with them is up to you. Some you interact with. Some you don't . And some you say "Who the heck is this person and what are they doing in my life?

it weird if I ask my ex if I could use her as a reference for my resume for a new girlfriend?...

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.
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01-07-2011 17:29
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You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
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01-07-2011 16:40 by MJ
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wishes google maps had an "avoid ghetto" routing option
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01-07-2011 16:35
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You have no idea how bad I want to write "Navidad" under the "For Lease" sign up the street!....Just Sayin...
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01-07-2011 16:31 by BOO
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I JUST READ THEY ARE TAKING A POLL ASKING "HOW OLD IS TOO OLD TO DRIVE" I THINK WHEN YOUR ARE DOING 4 MPH IN THE LEFT LANE AND I CAN'T SEE YOU BEHIND THE WHEEL, AND USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL 37 BLOCKS BEFORE YOU TURN.
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01-07-2011 15:29
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If I was two faced, do you think I'd be wearing this one?
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01-07-2011 14:31 by Michael
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Ever notice in movies that all the bad stuff happens after having sex? Like the Terminator showed up just minutes after the sex scene.
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01-07-2011 14:12
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'If you see an angry bear, pretend to be dead,'...are you sure? I won't be pretending for long. It's a bear that's already angry. The last thing I should be doing is playing a practical joke on it.

Obama thinks that $172,000 a year is a modest salary. Scratching my head .....I want a modest salary!!!
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01-07-2011 13:46 by Bill
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