Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5340 of 6386
wonders if vampires feed on diabetics when they feel like having candy!
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12-19-2010 08:36 by Tarwadi
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What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA
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12-19-2010 03:20 by 420
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I don't care who you are, fatso, get that sleigh, and those reindeer, off my roof!
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12-19-2010 03:19 by ichy1234
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Santa better take me off the naughty list or I will black out the moon on Monday night.
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12-19-2010 00:41 by MikeM
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Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing been complaining?
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12-18-2010 22:37
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Just drank a sugar free, caffeine free, soda. I'm so happy that they finally found a way to bottle nothing but nasty aftertaste.
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12-18-2010 22:28
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Am I the only one that flips back and forth like a little kid when I discover 2 radio stations playing the same song?
Doin the same thing I do every night...Try to take over the world!
If I had a dollar for everytime that I wished I had a dollar......
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12-18-2010 21:09
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My Girlfriend told me to help her find a job that shows off her best qualities. I got her an application for Subway.
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12-18-2010 19:31
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Word to the wise... Sending an engagement request to your girlfriends facebook is not a good way to propose
thinks spell check is for the week
finding himself saying "never eat soggy worms," to remeber my easts and wests
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12-18-2010 18:15
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was surprised to receive a compliment about his VW Jetta today - especially at a Mazda/GM car dealership. The salesman said: "Well German engineering, you can't go wrong. I just can't believe they killed so many Jews. You have a Merry Christmas."
Nothing brings out the worst in human nature like a crowded mall. :) I can't wait to start Christmas shopping!
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12-18-2010 15:26 by Timoteo
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WISHES my clothes were suicidal so they would hang themselves.
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12-18-2010 15:07
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My friend said he thought I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
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12-18-2010 13:53 by Aaron
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Breaking news: Taliban fighters seen throwing down their weapons and running for the hills after USA repeals "Don't Ask Don't Tell".......
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12-18-2010 13:28
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I'm not a geek, I just understand things you can't begin to comprehend.
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12-18-2010 12:59
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Cause nobody says, "Slow down, theres a security gaurd!"