Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Note to self: "Bring sexy back"

   My ego persuades me to be a lot more confident than I should be.

   I hate grocery shopping because I'm no very good at predicting what I'm going to feel like eating in a few days.

   Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.

   According to the new astrological signs, astrology is still complete bullsh!t.

   Hey Facebook, is it possible to cram a few more ads on my "new" profile page?

   You know your ego is too big when it enters the room before you do.

   Good thing I never got my zodiac sign tattooed.

   If hooters changes to a door-to-door service, would they change thier name to knockers?

   They changed the zodiac signs! Are they just going to add in a new random month too?

   Apparently, it is nearly impossible for men to beat a women in any argument, because men have a need to make sense.

   It really sucks when your in the middle of something and your batteries go dead.

   dude, I'm pretty sure your car isnt supposed to sound like a dirt bike!

   I just learned that if you say Gullible REALLY SLOWLY, it sounds like orange. DT

   Why don't people start protesting funerals of members of the Westboro Baptist Church?

   In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

   Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

   My god some people would join anything... I mean if they had a cause for taking a dump in centeral park , I am sure there would be some takers!!!

   spending all day at the furburger buffet...

   If there were to be a strip club with comedic act every night. Would it be called the Witty Titty?