Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wants to go the next NHL Winter Classic and sneak onto the ice with a fishing pole and a folding chair. Just for laughs.

   Next person that asks me "Is it cold out?" after I walk inside with my winter coat on, gloves, hot and a red face is going to get thrown outside in the snow and locked out.

   my next license plate: POKE ME

   my field of dreams would be a football field built in a field barley made into beer to serve free of charge at the games.

   wonders how love potions 1-8 worked out.

   Hickies in junior high = Sweet! Hickies in your 30s = Gross

   been poked more times than a fireplace this month.

   george washington owned a dodge charger---wikipedia

   Putting kids to bed is a little like playing WHACK-A-MOLE.

   watching Jersey Shore...Are my eyes supposed to bleed?

   real eyes realize real lies

   Worst football performance by a Brady since Marcia.

   just because the shampoo bottle says strawberry dont means it taste like strawberries

   just like the rent, too damn high.

   thinking about going on a cruise just for the profile picture opportunities.

   watching Yellow Submarine. So this is what it feels like to be high.

   Damn right I'm good in bed. I can sleep for days!!

   Am I the only one that uses the bristles on an esclalator to brush your shoes?

   Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste! Just learned how to cut and paste!

   When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.