Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5323 of 6386
Pointing And LOLing, At Kids Falling Off Their New RipStik They Got For Christmas.
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12-26-2010 17:10
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I have all these kung-fu skills and no ninjas too fight...I'm starting too think I'm living in the wrong city....
Dear Santa, I don't recall asking for a bigger butt for Christmas. It's not that I don't appreciate all the gifts that you brought me, but I'd just like to know... can I exchange it for a smaller size?
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12-26-2010 14:45
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the only person in history to beat my niece at Wii tennis! Yes, I made her play left-handed, but I don't think that should lessen the significance of my victory.
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12-26-2010 13:50 by Mark
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Only 364 shopping days till Christmas..
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12-26-2010 12:10
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Oysters are fantastic, if you like the taste of snot that's been stored with dirty silverware over rocks in saltwater.
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12-26-2010 11:31
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If you can't say anything nice, at least be vague with a touch of sarcasm, so you can share it with your friends behind their back later.
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12-26-2010 11:30
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When a girl tells you you're not getting any, before you ask, before you even try, you're getting some
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12-26-2010 11:20 by AC
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Girls are like cell phones, they like to be held and talked to, but press the wrong button and you're disconnected
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12-26-2010 11:18 by AC
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Well lets see for Christmas I bought the iPhone,iPad,iTouch.... now iBroke,iHomeless and iRegret...
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12-26-2010 10:51
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just got in an argument with my Mom regarding investment decisions...turns out even if you hold multiple degrees in finance ur still a kindergarten goin kid in ur Moms eyes...sigh..:(
3 girls I graduated with got engaged yesterday! I, on the other hand, was engaged in knitting in my snuggie while watching "It's a Wonderful Life" for about the hundredth time, and playing Robot Unicorn Attack. Thinking maybe I should get out more....
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12-25-2010 23:10 by Molly
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I don't need a "Plan B" because my "Plan A" is awesome.
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12-25-2010 22:58
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To the advice of my lawyer, it's in my best intrest not to post a status tonight.
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12-25-2010 21:42 by Regulator
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Party ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ at my __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡
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12-25-2010 21:20 by Dan.M
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And as another Christmas ends my mind drifts and once again, I'm thinking like a six year old. Only 364 days to go.
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12-25-2010 19:53
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robs tip for students #546- Teachers know when you're texting. Sincerely, No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles
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12-25-2010 19:37 by rob
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For this is a special time when family And friends get togetherfor fun. Wishing laughter and fun to cheer your days, In this festive season of holidays and always!!!
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12-25-2010 18:43 by Wolf
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its your birthday too today? well this is for christmas AND your bday !
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12-25-2010 17:58
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Dear kids, There is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents. Sincerely: WIKILEAKS
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12-25-2010 17:58
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