Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Just watched Silence of the Lambs again.Buffalo Bill, now there was a man that was comfortable in his own skin..........and yours.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 17:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have to show ID at the Pharmacy to by 6 dollars of OTC cold medicine but I can go to the ABC store and buy a truckload of booze and they won't even card me. Wait a minute, does that mean I'm old. . .... . .
←Rate | 01-24-2011 17:40 by Peter Gillespie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
←Rate | 01-24-2011 17:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cheered for the Bears, they lost. I cheered for the Jets, they lost. I'm going to start cheering for al-Qaeda.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 17:01 by Kevin Comments (2)  


   messageicon I sat down next to my wife and said, "You look so cute when you're concentrating." My wife said, "Will you f-ck off while I'm trying to take a sh*t."
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says to me "I know what you're thinking," I'm so happy, because I have no idea.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't sleep that well last night, there must have been a pea under my mattress.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:10 by marqattacks Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing makes crazy people happier than having a microphone.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Prank: Get car chalk and write "Just Married" on every car in a Walmart parking lot.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think Facebook is trying to insult me by some of its friend suggestions.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love it when people call me at 3 AM. "Hey, are you asleep?" "No, I'm skydiving."
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:05 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Breaking news Arizona shooting suspect pleads not guilty...If he's not guilty, O.J don't wear gloves.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's status is brought to you by the letters ~I.. H*A*T*E..M*O*N*D*A*Y*S.. and the numbers ~ 24/7 ~
←Rate | 01-24-2011 15:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever open a knife factory, I'd employ nothing but EMO kids...I'd never have to worry about them reporting an on-the-job injury....
←Rate | 01-24-2011 15:16 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mike Vick kills two dogs, goes to prison for 18 months. Ben Roethlisberger rapes two women, goes to the Super Bowl.. only in America..
←Rate | 01-24-2011 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon all of a sudden everyone is a football expert
←Rate | 01-24-2011 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon first Obama, then the olympics, now the Bears.....Chicago, so close to producing winners, you get everyones hopes up and then last minute....choke.....fail.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 14:51 by silhouetteot Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop to see how much they will give me for my DVD copy of Pawn Stars the Complete 1st Season.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 14:43 Comments (0)  




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