Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho the rest of your life.

   Dear the Midwest, ha ha ha ha ha! Your friend the south

   I don't fear love's magic, I just fear some magicians.

   Facebook Commandment I: Thou shalt not hold a separate conversation under someone's status post.

   I think Martin Lawrence should just come out of the closet and admit he's a crossdresser already.

   I'm was wondering, just what funky music WAS that white boy playing anyway?

   Facebook Commandment II: Thou shalt not be caught taking a photo of thyself in the bathroom mirror and posting on FB or thou shall be slapped!

   Watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer...I'm sorry but I'm a sick, sick woman. I can't stop!

   Would it change the way you feel about me if I admitted that I have a special love for the BeeGees?

   that Punxsutawney Phil, or are you just happy to see me?

   Facebook Commandment IV: Thou shalt not post music videos more than a quantity of 5 within a half-hour period lest you drive thou neighbors to drink.

   going to hunt down the "Nationwide Is On Your Side" dude

   my son just said, "nobody needs a girlfriend till you're married!!"....hmmm...great advice I thought....

   Celebrating Black History Month. I got my baggy FUBU jeans on with the chicken pouch... I hope my month is full of drive bys, gangster rap, 40 ozers, drug deals, watermelon and lots of fried chicken.... Happy Black History Month!!!!!!!

   Dear fat girl in a tube top, You look like a can of biscuits popped open.

   wondering why everytime I go to the store to buy some milk, I feel like I have bought the whold damn cow!!

   looking fo a site where I can find old as well as new friends and maybe see some pics of what they look like now. Any ideas?

   going to call you a half-wit, but I didn't want to tell a half-truth...

   Dear Lunchables, I remember when I was a kid I used to love eating you, now that I'm an adult, I realize now that you are just cheese and crackers and are nowhere near a full lunch, wtf was I thinking. Please update your lunchables to feed more than a sma

   OK now I feel bad.... just saw muted footage of rioting in Egypt...and thought it was file footage of Black friday in the Wal Mart parking lot......