Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Latest news from Egypt: نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست I will keep ya'll informed if anything else changes.

   If state farm was like a good neighbor they would had plowed my driveway today for me.

   Go ahead....make my day!

   The Insomnia Train has arrived. I didn't want to board, but I was shoved. Now I'm sitting here, I have no clue where I'll end up and I don't like the company. I sure wish it was The Crazy Train instead.

   PETA would like to remind the protesters in EGYPT: FOR THE LOVE OF ALLAH, PLEASE DON'T SMOKE THE CAMELS!!!!

   It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho the rest of your life.

   Dear the Midwest, ha ha ha ha ha! Your friend the south

   I don't fear love's magic, I just fear some magicians.

   Facebook Commandment I: Thou shalt not hold a separate conversation under someone's status post.

   I think Martin Lawrence should just come out of the closet and admit he's a crossdresser already.

   I'm was wondering, just what funky music WAS that white boy playing anyway?

   Facebook Commandment II: Thou shalt not be caught taking a photo of thyself in the bathroom mirror and posting on FB or thou shall be slapped!

   Watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer...I'm sorry but I'm a sick, sick woman. I can't stop!

   Would it change the way you feel about me if I admitted that I have a special love for the BeeGees?

   that Punxsutawney Phil, or are you just happy to see me?

   Facebook Commandment IV: Thou shalt not post music videos more than a quantity of 5 within a half-hour period lest you drive thou neighbors to drink.

   going to hunt down the "Nationwide Is On Your Side" dude

   my son just said, "nobody needs a girlfriend till you're married!!"....hmmm...great advice I thought....

   Celebrating Black History Month. I got my baggy FUBU jeans on with the chicken pouch... I hope my month is full of drive bys, gangster rap, 40 ozers, drug deals, watermelon and lots of fried chicken.... Happy Black History Month!!!!!!!

   Dear fat girl in a tube top, You look like a can of biscuits popped open.