Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I love eating at Subway. It's the only place I get to say "I'd like a 12 inch Italian" without being judged.

   Bristol Palin says she'll eventually run for political office. Americans say they'll eventually run for Canada.

   Arachnoleptic Fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

   If I had Two cookies I'd give you one, If I had two guys I'd give you the other cookie

   "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Unless, of course, they did unto you first, and now you have to totally open a can of "unto" on them.

   Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?

   Valentine's Day is for lovers. Or for people like us who will celebrate anything as long as there's chocolate involved.

   The entire French language is a choking hazard.

   What happens on Facebook stays on Facebook! (and then gets sold to the government for everyone to see).

   The Packers had a Super Bowl celebration & as a special treat, Christina Aguilera came & messed up the words to “We Are the Champions."

   Pageant officials want to fire Miss San Antonio for gaining weight. Apparently, the poor girl ballooned all the way up to a size zero.

   I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND TAKE A "SNOOKIE"

   Kinda feels weird when your computer asks if you'd like to continue unprotected....

   Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together. ;)

   Insomnia is a glamorous term for 'thoughts you forgot to have in the day.'

   I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be "Nobody" so when I see stupid crap people post, I can "Like" it. And it will say "Nobody Likes This"

   If there are ice cream vans in the summer, why cant we have Starbucks vans in the winter?

   This just in.. Governor Mary Fallin has just signed legislation naming the penguin as the new State Bird of Oklahoma...

   Lindsay Lohan? Uhh, throw her in prison for the next 3 years, see if we care.

   Sometimes we make love with our eyes, sometimes we make love with our hands, sometimes we make love with our bodies, but we always we make love with our hearts.