Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ‎99 problems... 99 bottles of beer on the wall... Problems solved.

   You know your getting old when your wife/gf beats you in COD

   I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything...

   A man's best chance of winning any argument with a woman is if he confines it entirely in his own mind.

   Hey Lady Gaga- Way to add new lyrics to Madonna's Express Yourself.

   wondering if cupid has a job opening??? I would LOVE to shoot people in the Ass and get away with it!!!!

   This new Facebook friend viewer application so you can see your friends online is kind of weird. Its like they don't even know you can see them.

   Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.

   You'll never truly know happiness until you've experienced great sorrow. How long is it suppose to take for the happiness part kick in?

   When you find someone who finally understands you, the world will go away.

   My wife and I are doing the same thing for Valentine's Day that we do every year: Laughing at all the people who spend too much money!

   My heart is in a relationship, but I am single - It's complicated.

   Note to self, don't introduce yourself to the new neighbors until they have all the heavy stuff moved in.

   at night all the people go to sleep and I talk to wall....REALLY FACEBOOK WALL

   Really struggling on what to get my girlfriend for Valentines Day. I mean, I'd hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarassing.

   If you really need to set aside one day a year to show your "love" then obviously that person doesn't mean much to you

   a valentines day nonbeliever!!!

   I get fewer Valentines than Christmas cards. ....I got one Christmas card

   Love is in the air..... Good thing I have my gas mask on xD

   Just think, the one for you is walking the earth right now! Probably in a Wall-Mart somewhere!