Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Never take failure to your heart and success to your mind.

   anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.

   When I'm sad I just sing, and then I realize my voice is worse than my problems.

   I'm not shy. I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.

   Sometimes I wish that automatic doors would appreciate my existance...

   Church sign reads, "Look at what's missing from ch__ch

   I wish McDonalds sold a hot dog so I could walk in and order a McWeiner and then ask for it to be supersized

   You know it's going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with... "Are you sitting down?"

   it still technically a "walk of shame" if I rollerbladed?

   We're only 4 years away from when Back to the Future 2 happens.

   At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture

   Things you can say when you have nothing to say: 1. It is what it is 2. It's just not meant to be 3. Everything happens for a reason 4. Word

   I really don't feel like "occasionally" stirring this

   Was just thinking .... What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?

   We're responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.

   What did things taste like before there were chickens?

   Roaches must be so pissed that they aren't ruling the world yet.

   I'm so hungry I even ate all the yellow Starbursts

   WTF?!? some homeless guy just dropped a stink pickle on the sidewalk in broad daylight, in the center of downtown.... Wow... Gotta love portland

   SWEET ! Bieber got lit up by C.I.S. , damn its only TV though...