Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Free Tibet* --- *with the purchase of another Tibet of equal or greater value.

   I'm humored that libya produces less than 2 percent of the worlds oil but speculation has put it roughly 30 percent up at the pump in the past weeks. But what do I know

   If you watch 127 hours backwards it's an uplifting story about a disabled man finding an arm in the desert.

   Urban Outfitters clothes size exchange rate,  XL=94 pound 5th grader...

   I just bought the NEW Charlie Sheen viewmaster...it flips all by itself..crickets..crickets..

   As kids we want to be adults who can do whatever they want and as adults we wish we were kids who can do whatever they want

   when work feels overwhelming, I just reassure myself that I will die someday....

   a little rusty with my Spanish so I'm gonna go ahead and assume "beunos tardes" means "so long, you f****** retards."

   If you want to make enemies, go and try to change something. If you already have enemies, good! It means you've stood up for something sometime in your life.

   I think Franco was hanging with Sheen before the Oscars.

   against recycling, because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.

   hooked on ebonics...tru dat dawg

   i didnt realize how many amatuer meteorologist friends I have on facebook thanks for the 112 updates and photos of the floods ;)

   sex is my favorite sport

   Hooked on Phonics werked fer me :-)

   Sometimes I whisper, "I'm on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world....

   thinks you should always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.

   I think I'm gonna start lifting up my shirt, showing off my gut, and demanding to be called The Fatuation.

   The Oscars are over. From now on, any reference to "The King's Speech" should only reflect the things Charlie Sheen says.

   The History Channel isn't what it used to be.