Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Gotta love the commercials for medications. The side effects of the meds are usually worse than the symptoms. For example, I have an itchy leg. "try dexalog: symptoms may include: hair loss, weight gain, growing an extra head, skin to disintegrate..."

   WOW!!!! Kirk Douglas looks better then Larry King.

   Ophrah needs to hang with Jennifer Hudson

   I'm not as dumb as you look!

   Well fellas another one bit the dust.......that's right he got married! Let us pray for him........................May GOD protect him, and that his wife will have mercy on his soul! And friend, I think it's time to start tweaking the whole " I, (name), a

   .My super power is to slap people upside the head when they need it most. No need to thank me. Just doing my job.

   Police officer says "Anything you say will be taken down and used as evidence against you." Your answer should always be "Please don't hit me again officer"

   I swear when LeBron James was born and the doctor spanked him he got the foul called

   Look, I know you have your "swag on" but can you walk a little bit faster?

   I get my energy from my inner G dawg. Just kidding I'm white.

   roses are red, violets are blue, the moment you leave, I'm robbing you... Thank you Iphone GPS!

   doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

   just discovered a great motivator for dieting. I just tried on my bikini's I plan on wearing this summer.

   Just herd Tyler Perry is investing in a new special event...Ah well... I will talk to you guys later, I'm about to watch Tyler Perry Presents: The Oscars.

   I'm counting the calories as I eat this double quarter pounder with cheese...Wish me luck weight lost!

   now that you've checked in there i'm going around your place to steal your things coz I now know i've got a good hour before you're close to home!!

   practicing her speech for the Oscars with a little help from King George VI. So far all I have is....th..thank....you.

   You can safely say you live in the ghetto when you open your front door to the smell of hotdogs.

   When a woman says "We need to work on our communication" what she means is you need to listen to what I want and not share your opinion on the matter.

   Look slavery is and will alwayz be wrong..BUT...I think I'm starting too understand white folks better cuz doing ur own laundry does kinda suck too