Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5198 of 6446

People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
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02-27-2011 13:35
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May I suggest johnny walker. At least you go down in style !
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02-27-2011 13:24
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Who would in a fight between Walker, Texas Ranger and Lone Wolf McQuade?
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02-27-2011 13:03
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After pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom...I had fallen asleep while taking a dump...
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02-27-2011 12:54
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So all men suck huh? Well After awhile, the picker needs to realize its on them for always picking out the bad apples from the orchard.
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02-27-2011 12:54
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The girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time...
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02-27-2011 12:52
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"No, ladies, you can't play with us, but you can dress like sleazy and encourage us." The guy who invented cheerleading.
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02-27-2011 12:52
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Eskimos moved in next door. Can I still call them that? I don't have to say "Arcto–Americans" or some crap, right?
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02-27-2011 12:47
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Petrichor, n. the smell of rain on dry earth
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02-27-2011 12:16
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I ate all of the Girl Scout cookies : ( Do you think Michelle Obama would mind if I buy some more??
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02-27-2011 12:10 by Bill
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If I want your opinion I'll......actually forget that....I'll never want your opinion.
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02-27-2011 11:51
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i was moving with the flow of speeding traffic and got pulled over,i asked the cop "why me,everyone was speeding" cop asked "have you ever been fishing?" I said "sure". cop replies "ever catch them all".... well played Law Dog,well played
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02-27-2011 11:33
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Pin Up Boards - A good reminder to let you know you're getting old or that you have too much Sh*t going on in your life that you need to remember!!!
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02-27-2011 11:32
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Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.
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02-27-2011 11:27 by momjovi
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Just try ask for a cigar break at work and see the reactions you get.
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02-27-2011 11:06
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Would it kill them to put an extra 5 feet of rubber hose on the gas pumps so I dont have to look like a complete idiot whenever I pull up and my gas tank is on the wrong side

If smokers can get smoke breaks, non smokers should get fresh air breaks.
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02-27-2011 11:05
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Why cant men and women get along? Because gentlemen and ladies became overrated and parents stopped teaching their kids manners therefore women r so needy and men r demanding.
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02-27-2011 10:45
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Sure, I'll dance with your wife so she will stop bugging you to get up and dance. But I expect a fresh beer be waiting for me upon my return from the dance floor sir.
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02-27-2011 10:42
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Nympho support group meeting, my place, 9pm.
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02-27-2011 10:33
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