Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't have an attitude problem. I have an attitude that you have a problem with. Therefore, I just have an attitude!

   The moment someone tells you that you're not good enough is the moment you know you're better than them.

   Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.

   Just plead the Fifth -- or drink it -- either way.

   Excellent time to become a missing person.

   Test tube babies shouldn't throw stones.

   If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

   I got kicked out of the Casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table

   Some people should really consider giving up AIR for Lent... just sayin'

   So who's going to give up Facebook for Lent? Now there's a sacrifice. ;)

   Snooki is going to be hosting WWE raw on monday. Finally, a good match for Hornswoggle

   That awkward moment when Eminem eats M&Ms, Flo Rida goes to Florida and 50 Cent has 2 quarters

   Everyone has the power to make someone else happy. Some do it by entering the room, while others do it by leaving.

   The awkward moment when you accidentally call your teacher 'Mom.'

   I don't know what's worse. Guys who refer to girls as b*tches, or the girls who actually respond to it.

   Sometimes I think life would be more fun with a "thumbs down" option for people like I have on Pandora for songs

   If you post another Biggie video.. expect a drive by..

   "The people of Libya love me, except the ones given hallucinogenic drugs by Al Qaeda...Duh, WINNING!" ~Muammar Gaddafisteen~

   Insurance costs are so outrageous the only healthcare most Americans can afford is from Dr. Pepper.

   The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.