Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5142 of 6446

I rather have that one in a million friend rather than a million friends-Josh Frazier-

I think I discovered time travel...I put instant coffee in the microwave.
←Rate |
03-14-2011 14:22
Comments (0)

What is the meanest thing you can do to a person? Take the light bulb out of the bathroom and leave the plunger in the toilet!

Happy Pi day!!! Party at my house.. BYOC (Bring your own calculator) :D
←Rate |
03-14-2011 13:25 by Sal
Comments (0)

I demand a “That's what she said” button be added to Facebook
←Rate |
03-14-2011 13:24 by BEGO
Comments (0)

Fashion tip of the day: If your thighs stop moving 30 seconds after you do, say NO to spandex.
←Rate |
03-14-2011 13:15 by IMHO
Comments (0)

The world needs a hero, I'll go change my clothes..
←Rate |
03-14-2011 12:58 by Wolf
Comments (0)

I walk light so I don't piss the ground off..
←Rate |
03-14-2011 12:56 by Wolf
Comments (0)

ok Ladies, time to start tenderizing the meat!
←Rate |
03-14-2011 12:44
Comments (0)

If my calculations are correct... Switching to Geico from Allstate, then transferring your policy to State Farm, only to drop them and switch to Progressive.... Auto insurance will be free!
←Rate |
03-14-2011 12:42
Comments (0)

people will hate you, rate you, break you, and shake you. how strong you stand is what makes you.
←Rate |
03-14-2011 12:25
Comments (0)

I have taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me...send money.

I told a girl she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked pretty surprised.
←Rate |
03-14-2011 12:03 by Aaron
Comments (0)

I think it's hilarious people have profile pics up of them from 2 yrs ago. You do not look like that anymore, hunny. lol
←Rate |
03-14-2011 11:56
Comments (0)

NEVER let someone know what annoys you...or you will fuel their fire...
←Rate |
03-14-2011 11:42 by M.A.C.
Comments (0)

What's the difference between a Catholic mother and a Jewish mother? A Catholic mother says "If you don't eat this, I'll kill you.", a Jewish mother says "If you don't eat this, I'll kill myself.".
←Rate |
03-14-2011 11:39
Comments (0)

My friend just broke up with his Japanese girlfriend. I told him, don't worry, there are plenty more in the sea...
←Rate |
03-14-2011 11:00
Comments (4)

does anyone know where I am right now? Seriously...bring asprin if you do...
←Rate |
03-14-2011 10:53 by M.A.C.
Comments (0)

In therory we gained an hour, I demand a recount!
←Rate |
03-14-2011 10:50 by mjoyce
Comments (0)

I don't flirt with women, I flirt with disaster.
←Rate |
03-14-2011 10:43 by @Torren_T
Comments (0)