Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Which essential oil is best for getting people to stop talking to you

   I'm so old I remember when the only person with germophobia was Howard Hughes.

   Mike Pence isn't praying hard enough for us. I'm beginning to think he doesn't care about us at all.

   Due to panic buying Walmart has open register #3

   I've never Kung Fu kicked so many toilet seats in all my life.

   Who would have thought - even our death is manufactured in China

   I’m glad my bed can’t speak because it has seen me in some weird positions

   I want to start a Go Fund Me account to sponsor any Coronavirus infectious people to pay them to go hug a politician

   Somewhere in the world Howie Mandel is walking around with full body Hazmat Suit.

   And just like that, people on Facebook went from being politicians to being epidemiologists.

   I am trying to collect as many New England Patriots jerseys and t-shirts as possible. I want a stockpile in case the toilet paper shortage gets worse.

   I have never been “the one that got away”, but I have often been the one that got in the way.

   Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn't realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It's causing quite a stir...

   Purell is the most expensive bottle of alcohol in the country.

   The corconavirus was originally gonna invade the USA but ChucK Norris kicked kicked so hard it landed in Chinaso hard

   I'm praying... that those who bought up all the water and TP get the Coronavirus first, and experience it in it's most severe form.

   New pickup line: hey why don't you come back to my place, I have toilet paper😉

   I hope everyone who bought 27 bottles of disinfectant realized that we all need to wipe our hands for them to be protected.

   One day we'll all be just a memory in people's lives, the trick is to make sure you do everything humanly possible to be a good memory. By, The cashier at Chipotle

   Some people aren't shaking hands because of the Corona virus. I'm not shaking hands because everyone's almost out of toilet paper.