Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   getting a little fed up with politics. I'm thinking about joining that Long Island Iced Tea Party movement.

   I wish my grass was EMO so it would cut itself

   Taking a looooooong time to get up today. I think If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.

   Just so all of my friends know, If I ever say the phrase "okie dokie artichokie" to you, it's a signal and means I've either been kidnapped or I'm wearing a wire. One of the two

   true facebook friends are easy to find, easy to leave.you can forget them but they wont leave you the hell alone.

   The month of March - In like a lion, out like a lamb. A ferocious, saber-toothed, axe-wielding, lamb. Brrrrr...

   GLEE is so gay, Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken have staged a boycott!!!

   What a woman wants is what you are out of. She wants more of a thing when it is scarce.

   To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world...

   When you told me you wanted me, I totally should have gone for it....I miss my stalker :-(

   One day, long, long ago there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.

   When the Snake is alive, the Snake eats Ants. When the Snake is dead, Ants eat the Snake. Time can turn at any time. Don't neglect anyone in your life........

   when the Zombie Apacalypse happens (and it will) I'm going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills. Yep, I'll be just fine.

   There was a piece of cake in the fridge with a 'Don't eat me' note on it. Now there's an empty plate with a 'I don't take orders from cake' note on it.

   Experts say the snake that escaped from the Bronx Zoo may be seeking its natural habitat ..and is heading for Wall St.

   Trump wants Obama to show his birth certificate.. In other news, Trump is still trying to find all his marriage certificates.

   Somewhere in America, a guy at a CVS wisely and at the last minute, puts back the loofah

   I'm not single and I'm not committed... I'm simply on reserve for the one who deserves...

   Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

   have you ever noticed that the saying is 'smoking weed affects your memory'- yet you can never forget that single fact?