Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How effective is the absorbency of an oak leaf? Asking for a squirrel.

   Well look at the bright side, we've been practicing isolating ourselves from my friends ever since they created Facebook.

   I'm so used to ending phone calls with family and friends by saying "I love you", that I accidentally said it to the female agent at Spectrum. Anyway, she gave me 6 months of free internet and HBO.

   Some things in life are bad they can really make you mad! Other things just make you swear and curse When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best and always look on the bright side life!

   When artificial intelligence surpasses the intelligence of mankind, mankind will become less and less intelligent until society itself ceases to exist.

   Found a great feature Facebook's has that helps you lower your fears is about the coronavirus you can find them to settings then scrolling down to where it says log out.

   There will be a baby boom in 9 months, after this thing pass but them babies will be known as the Quaranteens

   I’m so hungry, I could eat a buttered monkey

   Before we die of corona, anyone wanna admit they have a crush on me?

   Whelp, it looks like another day we're not going to cure the coronavirus with our Facebook posts.

   Schools getting cancelled left n right indefinitely? At this rate, I feel sorry for Classof2020 our babies gonna graduate on FaceTime

   I don't take responsibility for how I handled the Coronavirus situation. Instead, I'll blame it all on Obama.

   Dear landlord and Bank,I have suspended all payments to my accounts due to Corono virus outbreak .

   public bathrooms are so cleaned and stocked up with toilet papers now

   All those unmatched socks are gonna finally be put to good use with the toilet paper shortage going on.

   Wash your hand long enough to pray

   UMMM maybe we should of had stronger border restrictions

   All professional sports are cancelled, and we aren't supposed to touch ourselves. Men who don't play video games are gonna have a lot of time to kill this weekend.

   I'd rather be quarantined with my family than with the finest people in the world.

   Why is it that the people who say "You don't need 500 rounds of ammunition" are the same people who are buying 500 rolls of toilet paper?