Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Three midgets walk into a mini-bar.

   If I see someone trying to seize the day, I'll step in and try to save the day.

   Tankruptcy - (ˈtæŋk rʌpt si) The act of watching your car's gas gauge move from 'Empty' to 'Full' while your checking account balance simultaneously moves from 'Full' to 'Empty'.

   ITS Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!

   Its friday everybody! Maybe I should make a song about it.......u know, just to get the word out

   can't seem to come up with anything clever this morning, apparently the voices in my head have decided to sleep in.

   First that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!

   99 years ago today, the Titanic chose to hit an iceberg and sink rather than spend another day listening to Celine Dion.

   Be careful what you wish for... I may not fit in that bottle but I have great aim......

   Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.

   Dear Mr. Obama I know that you are busy with that whole deficit thing, but I seem to be having a deficit problem of my own paying over $4.00 a gallon in gas is not helping my situation maybe you can be a pal and look into that for me, Thanks.

   Ever have one of those days when your keys kicked your ass at a game of hide and seek?

   I think people must start requesting some sort of C.V or background profile on paper before engaging into relationships, would be advantages to know things like ful service history, Mileage, accurate shoe size and of cause HIV statuses

   the missus was not happy when I took out the tampons in her box and replaced them with party poppers!

   thinks that if ever there comes a time when air is going to be sold, I bet the first people to start that business would be the guys making potato crisps....well, they are already selling us bags of air with some crisps!

   Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.

   I'd be a terrible fireman, if anyone said their roof was on fire I'd tell'em "You don't need no water, let the mutha f'er burn!"

   An awesum cook, even the smoke alarm is cheerin me on! :)

   Finding the lost TV remote I looked between the bed sheets. Just wish I could find a hot naked women there now and then.

   If you are a Man with a wife or girlfriend that is not a fat-ass, nagging, tree hugging, situation controlling, "Ive got a headache" prude; then re-post this and let them know how much you appreciate them. Any Takers? I didnt think so.