Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5026 of 6447

I JUST WON MY EASTER EGG HUNT!!! Those 8 year olds didnt stand a chance to my pushing and sprinting. It was kinda like taking candy from a baby!

Sorry if my sarcasm offends you. Not really.
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04-24-2011 22:06
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Just sprayed Febreeze's "Brazilian Carnival" air freshener... So far, no party... Guess I'll just sit here and wait on my wax.
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04-24-2011 22:04
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Great day with family, great food but right now I am egg-zausted!
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04-24-2011 20:33 by jgmitts
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"A day without a nap is like a cupcake without frosting." -Terri Guillemets
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04-24-2011 20:05 by Mahdi H
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I've read the story before the duck dies
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04-24-2011 19:58
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What a beautiful day in history. A few thousand years ago, a chicken dressed as a rabbit layed the first ever Cadbury Egg.
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04-24-2011 19:57 by lakers
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it just me, or is everyones day ruined when you hear that J.G. Wentworth commerical? No matter when, where or even how I hear it, that damn commericals song gets stuck in my head. Damn you J.G. Wentworth and you ability to get my cash now!
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04-24-2011 18:45 by Rachael
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What did the Easter Egg say to the boiling water?... It's gonna take a while to get me hard. I just got laid by some chick.
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04-24-2011 17:56
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A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of my old bills.
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04-24-2011 17:43 by Bonnie
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Q. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? A. We better get some support or people will think we're nuts.
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04-24-2011 17:39 by Bonnie
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Best three Kings of all time!! Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
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04-24-2011 17:24 by Bonnie
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Ahh Easter Sunday, when catholics actually go to church then pretend all year they are religious..
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04-24-2011 17:09 by Bob
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I will avoid tomorrow those who eat Easter eggs today
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04-24-2011 16:46 by @wayne
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Your mother sat on my glasses and broke them, I guess it's partially my fault, I should of took them off my face first.
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04-24-2011 16:45
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Would go play on the playground, but doesn't have anyone to push him on the swings or sit on the see saw with

his own bunny rabbit and will name him George and hug him and pet him and squeeze him

Love means nothing in tennis, but it's everything in life

for some people religions are like farts. Yours is good, but everyone else's stinks.

almost drowned in the shower yesterday, so today I have my life jacket and the voices and I have rehearsed what to do in case of an emergency
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04-24-2011 15:12 by THECHAD
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