Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Best part about the death of bin Laden... It got the media to shut up about the stupid Royal Wedding.

   Be honest with yourself, deep down inside, is there anyone of us that doesn't desperately want to be "dead last"?

   In his last act of terrorism, Osama Bin Laden is blowing up my facebook newsfeed.

   And then it hit me... For years we have had the "#2", "drop a deuce", "talk to a man about a dog" and "drop the kids off at the pool"... Now I proudly introduce... "Hey guys, brb... I gotta go bury a Bin Laden."

   I just spilled an entire glass of water on myself. Saddest wet t-shirt contest ever. Good news is... I won!

   Food for thought: The guy that wanted to destroy Western civilization, lived in a mansion, near a golf course, drank both Coke and Pepsi products while urging his followers to blow themselves up. No word yet on what was on his iPod.

   It's a dog eat dog world...In case you didn't realize before hand...I eat puppies for breakfast.

   ✓ Adolf Hitler, ✓ Saddam Hussein, ✓ Osama Bin Laden, ☐ Mother-In-Law

   I had a thought......Maybe instead of defunding Sesame Street, we should defund Pakistan. F them losers!!

   Breaking News from Bikini Bottoms... Sponge Bob Square Pants has issued a HIGH Terrorist Alert. Reports coming in that Bin Laden has been spotted sinking around Mr. Krabs underwater mansion... More on this breaking story later...

   just downloaded this Lebron tone for my phone but I can't hear it cuz it doesn't have a RING!

   Now that Bin Laden is polluting the Arabian Sea, I hear the sharks have declared "Jihad!"

   ✓ Adolf Hitler ✓ Saddam Hussein, ✓ Osama Bin Laden, ☐ Waldo, ☐ Carmen Sandiego

   Somewhere, In An Afterlife, Sir Henry Cooper Is Beating Seven Shades  Out Of Osama Bin Laden :)

   tragic fail: the moment you realize that swig of milk is spoiled and its too late, you swallowed!

   Let's play a game. Let's pretend we're in love. lets text each other all the time, just for the fun. Whoever falls in love first, loses.

   I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out

   After years in hiding, Osama Bin Laden walked into a bar. He ordered a shot and water chaser.

   I will never be too old to enjoy driving by a stranger, honking, and waving just to see the confused look on their face and awkward wave back.

   Regardless of whether or not I should know better, I thought we had already established that no, I do not.