Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A Hickey from Kenicki is like a hallmark card...when you care enough to send the very best!! RIP JEFF CONWAY!!!

   Thanksgiving is a day when we pause to give thanks for the things we have.....MEMORIAL DAY is a day when we pause to give thanks to the people who fought for the things we have.

   The awkard moment where you say, "it's not me, it's you"....via text

   kill illuminati. they want my soul, my mind, and my body.

   Look... if you have both toilet paper and bath towels in your bathroom... I am going to assume you are giving me a choice.

   Chemically speaking... alcohol is a solution.

   I take context out of things.

   My dog can't seem to walk straight when we are out. He is gonna make look bad when I'm under the influence.

   I have to say... to lie about taking steroids as long as Lance Armstrong did sure takes a lot of ball.

   Look, baby, it's just not going to work between us: You're a sheep and I'm a border collie. I'm so sorry. I never meant to herd you.

   I love Hitchhiker's, they always give Me a Thumbs up Every time I pass by them

   "two managers 1 cup..." could get quite messi tomorrow

   Even though my house has an alarm, I still like to set booby traps...just in case.

   That awkward moment when you're at a red light and you look at the person next to you and they're already looking at you

   aaah the weekend... drink triple, see double, act single.

   I Spent the last 30 minutes trying to trim my side burns and am now sporting a nice mohawk..

   Men make mistakes the problem is god gave us a brain and A wienner but not enough blood supply to run both at the same time..!!!

   I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

   Everyone is a Freak, it just takes the right person to bring out that side of you.

   What is the appropriate gift to give your woman on your 5th year anniversary..... of the restraining order?