Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives

   On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?

   Hulu is coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.

   omg I just found out I'm allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!

   Shut up voices!! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!!

   People say you can't live without love... I think oxygen is more important

   Wal-mart... "do they, like, make walls there?" -Paris Hilton

   Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

   Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.

   Don't feel bad, alot of people don't have talent either

   Does Cheese say 'People!' when taking a picture?

   Dinosaurs aren't extinct, they're just hiding.

   It's a shame the guy who invented the wheel didn't make a fortune from his invention, but the guy who invented Wheel of Fortune did.

   Mosquito is the Spanish word for "little Islamic house of worship."

   If you trip in public, just strtch out your arms and legs, move them back and forth across the ground, and claim you are making dirt angels.

   since it's the thought that counts.. I'll keep thinking about exercising.

   Hey, did you have a good time last night? It was Smurf-tacular! Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette. As we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me. Shut the Smurf up! Yeah! Right in the Smurfing parking lot? Smurf-Yeah! Oh! That is freaking Smurf

   what did the egg say to the boiling water? "it might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chick!"

   Biggest slut alive? Ms pacman. For a quarter she will swallow balls until she dies.

   I had my DNA analyzed. It came back with four main components. Bacon, Chocolate, Coffee & Crazy