Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 245 of 6390

   messageicon Vaccines are bad, but horse dewormers are good!
←Rate | 08-24-2021 08:53 by BringbackTrump Comments (0)  


   messageicon this can't be the same brain I was using to read 450 page novels in 3 days during middle school
←Rate | 08-24-2021 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.
←Rate | 08-24-2021 08:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spice up your marriage by slamming doors sometimes when you’re not even angry.
←Rate | 08-24-2021 08:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Make Tuesday fun at work today........If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
←Rate | 08-24-2021 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I got in a car accident today. She was behind the wheel driving, and I was on the outside of the car getting hit by it.
←Rate | 08-24-2021 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I put my symptoms into WebMD and found out I've started menopause.
←Rate | 08-24-2021 08:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dated a girl in college with only four toes on each foot. She was kind of cute but the relationship never went anywhere because I'm lack-toes intolerant.
←Rate | 08-24-2021 08:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm on a new diet where I eat nothing but wildebeest meat. It's called Gnutrisystem.
←Rate | 08-24-2021 07:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you sit behind me honking your horn for letting a car into traffic I'm going to super polite and wait to let the next five cars to pull out into traffic as well.
←Rate | 08-23-2021 23:46 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and you can bang his wife every weekend.
←Rate | 08-23-2021 18:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ashli Babbit on vaccines: "I got my shot, now go get yours".
←Rate | 08-23-2021 14:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Covid vaccine now FDA approved. You can shut your pie hole now and get the jab. Oh, you won't? You were lying? Shocker.
←Rate | 08-23-2021 11:25 by BringBackTrump Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it humorous that all of a sudden people care about the Afghanistan people. God, humans are so hypocritical.
←Rate | 08-23-2021 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the people who voted for Biden are turning over in their graves
←Rate | 08-23-2021 10:19 by BringbackTrump Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got another text from my ex-wife saying "wish you were here" she does this every time she walks pass a cemetery
←Rate | 08-22-2021 18:07 by Ebo Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you don't stop picking at that thing it will never heal." -Sound medical advice or an insult to a banjo player
←Rate | 08-22-2021 13:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money can't buy you happiness, but being poor can't buy you anything.
←Rate | 08-22-2021 13:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone my age already on baby no 3 I'm still on Mambo no 5
←Rate | 08-21-2021 21:25 by Geckolounge Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pit bulls are dangerous because I’m willing to jump out of a moving car to pet one
←Rate | 08-21-2021 20:04 Comments (0)  




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