Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A trans four year old is like a vegan cat. We know who is making the choices.

   The movie Pretty Woman will now be known as, “She’s pretty, but I don’t know if she’s a woman… I’m not a biologist.”

   The App is called Tic Toc; because every video you watch is a reminder of why humanity is running out of time.

   I’m not a biologist, but I know what a woman is.

   Listen to people when they are angry, because that is when the truth comes out.

   Got a new book, “How to make gasoline at home.”

   A burglar broke into my home last night. I put the red dot on his chest and the cat did the rest.

   Daylight savings time? Only an idiot would cut two inches off the top of a blanket and sew it to the bottom and believe he now has a longer blanket.

   A donation of 14 billion has been made to eastern Europe in your name. Thanks.

   Ah, Easter. That lovely time of year that reminds you to take down the Christmas decorations.

   Under Florida law, Bengay has been ordered to change their name to Benstraight.

   Yo mama so fat she starts practicing for dinner after lunch.

   Governments easing mask restrictions but bad breath still out there knocking people dead

   Well I guess now we know why DJ Jazzy Jeff left .

   Chris Rock breaks silence: "I just want to know if the carpet matches the drapes."

   Every Liam Neeson movie now is just him talking on the phone then killing people, right?

   the problem with two-faced people is that you never sure which face to slap.

   Success is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired.

   To stay healthy this April, starting tomorrow I'm only going to eat the white part of the Cadbury creme eggs.

   My only hope for April Fool's Day tomorrow is that Brandon announces this has all been a monumental prank.