Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   transferred organic stickers from the apples & put them on the Oreo packages in the grocery store to make them healthier. They're on me. Enjoy!

   true friends stab you in the front.

   a goal without a plan is just a wish.

   as cool as a winter breeze over a cucumber garden.

   just because you have one doesnt mean you have to act like one

   out like the Red Sox! good night!

   out back building a big helium balloon... Wanna go for a ride?

   Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. Four skills I possess while shaving my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life.

   thinks red meat isn't bad for you, green furry meat is!

   gonna write something funny but I cracked under pressure

   a pessimist is an experienced optimist.

   just stole this status from someone who stole it from someone else !!

   thinks if you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won't bother you for weeks.

   ˙sƃuıɥʇ uo ǝʌıʇɔǝdsɹǝd ɹǝɥ ƃuıƃuɐɥɔ sı

   thinks that if you ever try and fail, you need to erase all evidence that you tried.

   loves humanity....it's people she can't stand.

   tis' better to be pissed off than pissed on....

   took the road less traveled and now she's lost.

   If money could talk, it would say goodbye.

   gettin by with a little help from my friends.