Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well, the people outside are frightful. And the traffic, is far from delightful. (blocking the intersection) since they got no place to go. people blow people blow people blow...

   Meery Kressmiss everyone, from the bottom of my gold-digging, porn star heart.

   Egg Nog gives head.

   I've just realized that this growing old thing , ain't for woossies

   You know how old I am? It used to be normal to order something and have to wait six to eight weeks to get it.

   Now I realize why some people loves the uneducated people.

   The After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna Lunch: Leftover lasagna Dinner: Leftover lasagna Dessert: Leftover lasagna Beverage: Fresh squeezed leftover lasagna

   I kinda wish the world was flat. That way I could just push off the people I don't like.

   Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a much better legal defense.

   A study has shown that if you put lard on your head every day you will grradually grow taller. Crisco does not have the same effect because it's shortening.

   You had me at hello. You lost me at your wearing a mask in your car pulling into my driveway.

   OK. We are going into a new year. Be good and dont touch anything..

   I never knew Masklophobia existed until I encountered 2021.

   I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life... Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...

   My son came running back from school waving a paper in his hand. Daddy, Daddy. Look! I got a B in my reading test! That’s a D you idiot.

   If I could change one thing I did in 2021, I would change not spending the night, in the streets of Dallas, to wait for the resurrection of JFK Jr.

   Realizing his horrible mistake, Judas bitterly hurled his half-eaten Klondike bar into the sea.

   It must be extremely hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.

   The only difference between the New Matrix movie and the old ones is that the Red & Blue pills are now suppositories

   If I knew I’d have this many brain cells left, I would have partied a little harder in my twenties.