Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I dont want to say the economy is getting bad under Joe, but I drove by the former Chucky Cheese which is now called "chucky government cheese"

   got thrown out of a casino last night... apparently I completely misunderstood the crap table!

   I can’t afford one of those copper bracelets for pain so I just swallow a few pennies a day

   efore kids I only had to take the trash out once a week, now I forget it once and A&E is kicking in my door trying to film an episode of Hoarders

   A guy walks into a bear and orders a drink. He didn’t notice my typo. Anyway, he’s dead now.

   Why is it that the people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?

   Cruises: Floating Golden Corrals with drunk people.

   Nobody loses an election like Trump...nobody. Nobody knows more about it. He's the stable genius of losing over and over again. You wouldn't believe it.

   I'll never understand why people admires behavior in a grown man that they would hate to see in a toddler.

   Me to husband: To be clear, when I say “let’s get it on”, I’m talking about the two-person horse costume we got for Halloween.

   Had my physical today. After the doctor left another doctor came in & said the three words no man wants to hear: “Who was that?”

   Mexican word of the day: Pizza Sheet. Joe Biden is a pizza sheet.

   Quentinen and Tarantined by Writtin Directino

   What were electric eels called before the discovery of electricity?

   Somebody please take Grandpa Biden's keys away before he drives us into a ditch. Oops, too late.

   Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves...?

   Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

   Every time I go to Baskin-Robbins their hamburger machine is broken.

   I think when you get your photo taken for your driver’s license they should squirt you in the face with a water gun. Then your picture will have that annoyed and upset look to match when the cop pulls you over

   The closest I've ever come to eating better is eating butter.