Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." Others begin with "If elected, I promise..."

   The bad thing about political jokes is sometimes they get elected. . .

   I could never cheat in a relationship, cuz that would require two women to find ne attractive.

   Sometimes, when I haven't had sex for a while, I like to go jogging in flip flops so I remember the sound.

   Magic Johnson wasted the best porn star name ever

   Inuendo - what else, but an Italian name for Preparation H.

   Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine

   I don't like the term An@l Bleaching. I prefer "Changing your Ring Tone."

   What is it with the color, black, that makes you think of hard-core violence?

   Guilty, on all three counts!!! Let the complaining and crying begin! I have my popcorn ready.

   Progress is finally beginning to be made in this country. If you don't like it then leave!

   I would love to see things your way, but I'm not sure if I can stick my head that far up my butt.

   Where was that joke Al sharpton and his crews masks at? And who was they praying to? I'm positive it was the God everyone else believes in!

   Why can't the women on Price is Right wear thongs and a bikini top? The dudes go topless at times...

   I'm starting to worry that I can't stab someone in front of a cop without getting shot

   Don’t let anyone else ruin your day. It’s YOUR day, ruin it yourself.

   When are we gonna snap on these blakk cokksuckers?

   Cat scratch covid fever!

   the enemy of my enemy is my enemy in law

   If you send me a voice note exceeding 20 seconds, I will consider it a podcast and not listen to it.