lemonpillow Funny Status Messages
Search results for status messages containing 'lemonpillow': View All Messages
Page: 5 of 40
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
hacked into Santa's computer,cleared the naughty list out..and has changed "coal" under Present List to "PS3""Wii" and "iphone".
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
..will keep a close eye on Santas stat updates. The minute he writes "just passed over crack house with ugly skank looking out window" i'll wave.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to talk and walk,then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I caught my daughter playing with the power outlet. She gave herself quite a shock. I had to ground her.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Anything you say will be held against you. "Tit".
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Just call her the Carpenter's Special: flat as a board and never been nailed.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called Wedding Cake.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm and asked for a thin and crusty supreme.They sent me Diana Ross
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I used to have an invisible friend, then I stopped going to church.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I've got a friend who is a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. All he does is eat, drink and be Mary.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Daaaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home..
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
If there were no such things as bears,what kind of hugs would we give?
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
money may not bring her happiness. But she'd rather cry in a Mercedes than in a bus.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
3 blondes comes across some tracks. 1st blonde "Its deer tracks!" 2nd blonde "No! Dog tracks!" 3rd blonde "No! Its bear tracks!" They were still arguing when they were hit by a train.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
If you want to buy some marijuana,press the hash key now.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
I went to the docs the other day. He told me to stop eating so many eggs. I said " Why? Is my cholestorol that high?" . He said "No but your farts are absolutely f *cking rank!!"
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Women who think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach are aiming a bit too high.
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
My mate is having a birthday soon. He doesn't drink,smoke or cheat on his girlfriend. I dont know how the hell we're going to celebrate it!
![messageicon](images/button/quote.png)
Sex,Drugs & Sausage Rolls.
[Search Results] [View All Messages]