Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   <---- believes that good things come to those who wait.... or have the money to pay for them! ^_^

   says all people have the right to stupidity but far far too many people abuse that privilege! o_o

   You wanna reduce the "Text While Driving Epidemic?" Just create a phone that will input the text as you speak and read you the text you received.....They can bulid it. They have the technology. To make teens live longer and more responsible.

   says Happy Friday @ 5:00 pm! If an ice cold, tall, 22 ounce Miller Lite is wrong, I dont wanna be right...

   My check engine light is on. Someone needs to service me.

   do you think the creator of Snuggie is laughing his *ss off because he convinced a nation of people that its cool to wear a robe backwards?

   And then I was all like: "I'm really getting sick of your sh*t." And then she was all like: "To speak with a representative please say representative..." UGH!!

   it's funny how the people that say "I Can't stand Drama" usually cause the most of it. but the people who say "im used to it" cause none.

   Men: You can't live with them, but you can't have heterosexual sex without them. DAMN!!

   BP stands for Beyond Petroleum, well, not anymore, BP stands now for Big Problem!

   eagerly anticipating getting off...of work that is ;-)

   "When I die I want it known I want to be buried face down, so anyone who didn't like me can KISS MY ass"!!!!!!

   What? That's not what "do the robot" means? It's a dance? Oh god. I am SO sorry about your robot.

   I got a letter from the college I graduated from... I hope it's a refund check for my murdered dreams.

   Wait, so the 3 day rule applies to calling a girl, and the 5 second rule applies to dropped food? It all makes sense now

   So theres a new college fraternity for sluts called Alpha Kenny Body.

   An Eskimo in the North Pole was arrested on suspicion of murder. Police want to know what he was doing on the night between September and March.

   No one ever seems to realize that when someone says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.

   The funny thing about driving your car off a cliff, I bet you're still hitting those brakes.

   To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.