Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Censorship is █ very ██████ █████ in █████ ██████...

   thinks there is nothing worse than accidently sitting on your reeses peanut butter cup at the beginning of your work shift.

   have a pheasant plucking day

   The signs of the hypocrite are three: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is entrusted with something, he betrays that trust.

   shoving crayons up her nose to brighten up her personality

   if I was the type of person who's day was ruined just by seeing a certain someone, then my day would be ruined quite often.

   has a way to end the Iraq war. Tonight, pack everything and leave. Tomorrow, when the world reacts, we act like we have no idea what they are talking about.

   Facebook has stopped suggesting friends for me. I guess they finally realized I dont need to be friends with someone I saw that one time.

   Things happen for a reason... so when I reach over and smack you upside the head just remember..you gave me a reason!!!

   starting his spring cleaning tonight...so if you have 1 less friend in the morning, you'll know why!!!!

   a dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude.

   : After today's announcement, Ricky Martin has also announced he will be pulling out (no pun intended) his No1 Hit Single off the shelves and re-release it as "He Bangs"

   Why do people feel the need to let everyone know that they are deleting numbers out of their phone........Like I really give a FUGG

   wishes she could walk away, but her feet are stuck in the cement of your existence

   I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

   Duct tape - $3.79, Shovel - $29.99, 50 lb. bag of lime - $14.99, Life without you - PRICELESS.

   take your reeboks off you teeth and stop running your mouth

   thinkin that girls a stunt... a little bit stupid and a little bit of a ....

   If roses are red and violets are blue, then what colour is violet?

   Heidi and Spencer have decided to change their names to something more native american WTF? She chose white wolf, he chose running bear. What?" was "Plastic Robot" and "mighty douche" already taken?