Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering why retarded people are blissful

   has decided that when I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

   chopping wood for the electric fireplace

   doesnt skinny dip...i chunky dunk

   allowed to talk about fight club

   a jack of all trades and a master of fun.

   believes in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it

   beating his record for consecutive days alive !

   used to have super powers but the psychiatrist took them all away.

   divulging his mind in the complexities of th... oooh look a kitty!

   found Wonka's last golden ticket!

   wondering when will he ever learn the answer to lifes problems arent at the bottom of a bottle, theyre on facebook!!!!!

   not FDA approved yet

   happier than a redneck driving a racecar

   may contain nuts.

   the alpha and omega....

   amazed at the alarming drop-out rate of sky diving classes

   doesn't make mistakes, she dates them

   silence is gloden, but duct tape is silver.

   if nothing goes right.... go left!