Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Lying about my age is easier now that I sometimes forget what it is.
←Rate | 07-14-2010 14:40 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  


   messageicon A Canadian is an unarmed American with health insurance.
←Rate | 07-14-2010 14:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"
←Rate | 07-16-2010 16:00 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.
←Rate | 07-16-2010 16:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a lesbian and i'm ok. A butch all night and a femme all day.
←Rate | 07-17-2010 09:47 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon a friend will calm you down when you're angry, but a best friend will skip beside you with a baseball bat singing "someone's gonna get it!"
←Rate | 07-17-2010 15:24 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you give to a man who has everything? A burglar alarm.
←Rate | 07-18-2010 07:47 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon .My sun block is 100% effective. It's called a house.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 14:31 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind running into debt. It's running into my creditors that's embarrassing.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 14:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most popular iPhone App of the month: Public Telephone Box Locator.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 18:40 by lemonpillow Comments (5)  


   messageicon People are funny. They spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't like.
←Rate | 07-21-2010 16:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..poked in the heart and you're to blame..you give Facebook a bad name..
←Rate | 07-22-2010 13:41 by lemonpillow Comments (3)  


   messageicon I hope the trend of businesses placing hand sanitizers everywhere soon extends to ATMs.Imagine what germs the slobs who use my ATM are carrying,considering they can't even bother to either take their receipts or throw them in a garbage can 6 inches away
←Rate | 07-24-2010 05:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..just has this way of lighting up a room whenever she walks in. She flips a switch.
←Rate | 07-24-2010 05:55 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wouldn't need Facebook if there was a website that just told me whether or not my exes got fat.
←Rate | 07-25-2010 10:01 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Now that the well is capped, legal experts say criminal charges are likely to be filed over the Gulf oil spill. This means a BP executive could wind up in jail. Prison can be rough so I've got three words of advice: British. Petroleum. Jelly.
←Rate | 07-25-2010 10:05 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films."Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."
←Rate | 07-25-2010 10:22 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon She blinded me with science. By science, I mean pepper spray.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 13:19 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was very ambitious about achieving goals until I learned you can just go to bars and lie to people.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 18:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I met a girl in a pub last night.We ended up going back to hers.After a few more drinks, we started kissing & having a bit of foreplay on the sofa.She looked at me and said, "Let's take this upstairs."I said,"Okay you grab one end and I'll grab the other.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 19:02 by lemonpillow Comments (2)  




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