Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   One good turn... gets all the blankets.

   had breakfast in bed. Two rolls and a turnover.

   A girl is always RIGHT....Just sometimes confused, misinformed, rude, stubborn, senseless, unchangeable, and even downright stupid but not WRONG.

   wonders... How do crazy people go through the forest?They take the psycho path.

   accidentally swallowed some food colouring yesterday. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

   Smith & Wesson - The first point-and-click interface?

   Perforation is a rip-off!

   thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.

   Have you ever watched birds and wondered: "If I could fly who would I crap on first?"

   I made my man an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he...

   It's amazing how many beautiful women walk into your life the week before you get married.

   was thinking about starting a facebook addiction group, but wouldn't that be like starting an alcoholics annonymous at a bar?

   A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a tiger wood.

   Be the fruit loop in the cherrios of lives

   Fending off spidermonkeys with a stick

   nothing like a bowl of choclate icecream to soothe a sore throat

   thought of the day .....if I were a dog and you were a flower I would lift up my leg and give you a shower ! lol

   When a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?... When blondes have more fun do they know it? Just a couple of life's riddles that beg for an answer.

   not a stalker. Look! Here's a picture of you in the shower... am I in it? Nooooo!

   Gun control is using both hands & hitting your target!