Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I saw a U.F.O at a football game the other night. It was just hangin there! And then it sent me a message,in big bright shiny letters. It told me I was gonna have a good year.

   Please dont poke me if you a guy...Thx!

   ..after watching the Brit Awards,thinks that Cheryl has got to try,try,try,try,try to lip sync a bit better..

   if there is one flaw in women, it is this...they forget there worth and how remarkable they truly are!

   Yo mamma so fat that when she lays on the beach, Green Peace try to push her back into the water.

   doesn't want you to be upset that I want to punch you in the face, be flattered that I want to touch you at all.

   Every day is Fat Tuesday for me because I'm Fat =(

   Sometimes you have to smile... Pretend everything's okay. Hold back the tears, And just walk away.

   The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.

   Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

   Cats are smarter than dogs, you'll never see 8 cats pulling some dumb a$$ through the snow!!

   going for Gold in the Men's Uphill Giant Slalom....Gravity is a B*tch!

   The true art of procastination is picking the correct task to put off that will eventually not need to be done anymore.

   thinks instead of coffee at work, we need to have nice warm glasses of shut the hell up

   thinks that unless you people can come up with a better idea...she'll be giving up her vow of celibacy for Lent this year

   If curling is a sport in the Winter Olympics, how come shuffleboard is not a sport in the Summer Olympics?

   I love to eat Bran Flakes in the morning. I guess i'm just a regular girl.

   The alphabet is a lot like life, except in life we don't like to mention our X's

   the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about

   somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine