Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When she asked me "What kind of idiot are you?" it took me awhile to realize it wasn't a Facebook quiz.

   Dear Mr. City Plow Guy, I'd like to actually go to work in the morning so for a change can you maybe not make another Giant Ice mound at the end of my Driveway? For an added bonus could you use some salt on my road instead of just flatting out the snow.

   believes the NFL will support Haiti by sending over 10 million "Indianapolis Colts 2010 Super Bowl Champions" t-shirts!

   "Ok Brain: I don't like you and you dont't like me, but this time we have to work toghet....DAMN! He's running awaritnfdnsfoeinlsjerfjsgrjjdfks..."

   Life was much simpler when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.

   All you need is love. And Valentines Day is the perfect time to buy lots of things to prove it.

   Valentines Day...The perfect day to buy your "someone special" a card with someone else's words and overpriced flowers. Ahhh, who said romance is gone?

   Can't wait for Valentines Day so I can get that pre-printed card, written by someone else, and a stale box of chocolates because Hallmark is telling him to do it! How romantic!

   Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles

   reckons anti-wrinkle cream doesn't work. If it did, women wouldn't have any fingerprints

   Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles and nerve impulses sent from my brain

   I think Facebook has some serious self-conscious issues...either that or it's being run by Heidi Montag...enough with the changes!!! You were so money the way you were...

   facebook the place where people change there profile picture more then they do there underwear

   this just in....former President Clinton is in the hospital with heart complications. Guess being a pu$$y hound caught up to him.

   just Became a Fan of I dont care about your farm, or your fish, or your park, or your mafia!!!

   Maybe if we chirp loud & long enough about Toyota's not being able to stop, we'll forget about our crappy North America cars that won't start.

   's doctor advised her to eat better, excercise more and quit drinking. Incidentally, X has out lived her last three doctor's that suggested the same thing.

   I'm not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room until security shows

   Thanks to modern medicine, people can be sexually active long past the age when anyone wants to see them naked.

   thinks that when NASA conducts their search for "itelligent life" in the universe, they should first start with Earth.