Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list

   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

   My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

   the Super Bowl is on February 7, The pre game started on February 3.

   PIMP Mode [On] - Off

   searching on google for her lost sweater

   As I have gotten older a lot of my opinions have changed, but what hasn't changed is mine are the only ones that matter.

   I think 3 left-handed monkeys, a shaved llama and pigeon with diarrhea could do a better job on designing the fb layout.

   I have decided that I am not overwieght, instead I am a nutritional overachiever.

   After getting out of bed and not seeing the shoe that one of my dogs left in hallway, I have come to the conclusion that gravity is a b!tch.

   Always remember that the choices you make may have serious repercussions. The regret I may feel later from the hot wings I eat earlier is a perfect example.

   So exactly how many "become a fan of" or "join a groups" that promises a free something does it take for people to finally figure out that they don't work? I mean good lord, gullible much?

   ..to me, a Super Bowl is one that's full of snacks that I don't have to share.

   President Obama has invited a group of top Republicans to watch the Super Bowl with him at the White House. That should be a lot of fun. They're gonna need a two-thirds vote before they pass him the Doritos.

   I came into a girls house, those stains never went away

   starting to feel like she is just a character in some other planets Sims game, and the stairs for the swimming pool have been removed...HELP!

   I remember when wearing Hollister meant you have money, not wearing Hollister means you ran out of money

   a vegetarian, not because he loves animals but because he hates plants!