Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enoug

   Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem

   If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button

   In a recent survey into blow jobs, and why men like them so much 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just like the peace and quiet.

   The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house

   Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work

   Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?

   As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...

   What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger? Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.

   What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass? A dart.

   your just pissed because its NOT ILLEGAL TO BE WHITE...YET

   Most folks are carbon copies of their indoctrination, education, organized religion and politically correct propaganda. Some of us "Independent Thinkers" walk our own unique path of discovery, simultaneously emanating a vibration to source and truth.

   bubblewrap under his bedsheets, so during the "Heat of Passion" it sounds like FIREWORKS going off!

   I am cornhoolio, I make peepee from my bunghole

   good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   Should've Driven to New York in my Toyota to see Puxotony Phil

   out making some changes in hisher life...leave a message and I'll get back yo you. if I don't return your message your one of the changes!

   Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

   Bear Grylls. His name is what he eats... and how he cooks it.