Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's been scientifically proven that chocolate contains a shrinking ingredient. It shrinks your clothing!

   Who wants to go to Antarctica to see Penguins......I am sure they will land up in Delhi this year in search of COLD!!!!

   if they put Your brain in a bird it would fly backwards

   I Wud Rather Die |REAL| Than Live Something |FAKE|.

   I ring bells randomly so that the Angels getting their Wings will be taken by surprise. Sometimes I ring 10 bells at once and wonder how chaotic it must be!

   will never eat cheezies while watching porn again...

   The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.

   ..is having car problems. The car won't start and the payments won't stop.

   ..met her ex at the gym. We didnt workout..

   Would rather tell a thousand truths and draw a thousand tears, than a lie, and see a thousand forged smiles.

   wondering why books on "How to make women happy" aren't displayed in the 'FICTION' section

   thinking that if ýou make someones day by posting a silly status and never denying that its someone elses ides, whats the harm?

   hopes he made no one uncomfortable while staring at their stats...

   Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

   A guy with a steering wheel sticking out the front of his pants walks into a bar. The bartender sees him and says "heyt. There's a steering wheel sticking out the front of your pants." The guy says " yeah, and it's driving me nuts".

   People piss me off like the ones who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

   if you feel that the window of opportunity is closed to you, just pick up a rock and smash that f*er to pieces!

   knows that cougars roar all night, pumas growl all night, & kitty cats meow all night. I still love my cougars though.

   so old that I can remember when colonel sanders was a private

   SFOL #16: You aren't insecure due to some traumatic experience that happened when you were a child—unless that experience was the realization that you suck and no one likes you.