Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   only going to marry a very old man with a very bad cough...

   I actually saw some video of where I was when I went to Haiti and the sad thing was not much had changed.

   People need to pay up..im not a money tree, and I dont work for free.

   If money grows on trees, I wanna be in the shade.

   logged into your facebook account and rearanging your farm!

   How to eat an Oreo: First you twist it...... Oh it broke...

   Okay people, if you are driving a small car, and are not towing a trailer or driving a semi; you have no business coming into the left lane to negotiate a right turn

   thinks the most used sexual position amoung married couples is doggy style, the husband sits and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.

   logged into your facebook account and sending friend requests to transexuals

   just hacked into your facebook account and admitted to all your friends that you have a serious drug problem and need an intervention ASAP!

   logged into your facebook account and starting fights with everyone on mafia wars...

   Here's a warning. If I'm really sick and I say "I gotta yak", it doesn't mean that there's a longhaired buffalo living in my backyard

   If a Dog Sniffs Your A*s, You're Probably a Bit*h

   A Lion Would Never Cheat on His Wife, But a Tiger Wood !!!

   santa just touched my no no spot. :(

   Sometimes you feel like a nut. And sometimes you feel that the men in white coats are just overreacting.

   Waves hand " This is not the Facebook Profile you want."

   Avatar = Awesome. I wish the whole world was in 3D!!!

   Heidi Montag says she's "not addicted" to plastic surgery. Much in the same way Amy Winehouse is merely a "crack aficionado".

   I like the movie Avatar, especially the first time I saw it when it was called Pocahonis