Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Someone came up to me and said "T.G.I.F. Thank god its Friday!" I replied "S.H.I.T. Sorry hun,it's Thursday."

   accepted the People's Choice award for best portrayal of a status update

   loves it when a parent only has pictures of their kids as profile pictures and none of themselves. You can never be too careful these days.

   was almost killed today when he fell off a horse. Thank goodness the Wal-Mart employee saw me, came over and unplugged the thing!

   happy to learn what bra color all my female friends are wearing today!

   All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

   Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

   It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

   It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

   Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

   I've never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.

   Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

   hates shoving snow...is there an app for that?

   Yes guys the colors are bra colors they are wearing...it is for breast cancer awareness...Just tell them you give free mammograms or that NUDE is a color...HA

   all I know is ANY other day ask a woman what color bra they're wearing and you get a dirty look. Make it for awareness and colors are flying like the gay pride parade.

   happy to learn what bra color all my female friends are wearing today! I don't belive any of you...send pics just so I know your not lying to me....

   ..if I want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet ,i'll put shoes on my cats!

   as my part of breast cancer awareness I will be giving "free mammograms"...

   For tomorrows bra forecast, its looking mostly black with a splash of peach moving in for the afternoon. Tomorrow night, it's all leopard skin, with lows in the matching thong.