Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   asked Santa Claus for a boyfriend this Christmas... He gave me a rain check instead... lol :)

   super glued Al Gore's mouth in an effort to prevent further global warming

   airing of grievances and the demonstration of feats of strength started TODAY you moron! if you're going to TRY to be funny atleast be accurate! D-BAG

   I want a red rider 200 shot carbine action range model air rifle with a compass and this thing which tells time built right in the stock.

   “If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?”

   all alone on christmas so why not get drunk ? Beers in the fridge !

   All we need to survive is, one person who truly loves us

   Try this experiment: The next time someone says "Oh, I'm fine..." look them square in the eyes and say "Tell me the truth." Sometimes all people really want is someone to take an interest. Show them you care all the time, not just at Christmas.

   if my right leg was christmas and my left leg was easter, I would love for you to visit in between the holidays

   can't stand on his own because he's too-tired and a bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired

   Happy Christmakwanzzakkah

   I dont believe in Santa...but with no money in my pocket ....I think I will change my opinion about him.....

   Festivus is a secular holiday celebrated on December 23rd. It was created by writer Dan O'Keefe and introduced into popular culture by his son Daniel, a screenwriter for the TV show Seinfeld

   EDGE ▂ ▃ ▅ ▆ █

   standing in line at Target and just received a dirty look from the woman in front of him, after he started dancing to her obnoxiously loud "Sex and The City"-theme ringtone.

   Rihanna can stopp tryin' . . . Seems like Chris Brown slapped the music outta her. . .

   eating Babybels at this special time of year. After all, Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without the baby cheeses.

   wondering if Tiger Woods is dreaming of a White Mistress?

   just shot his eye out..

   pissed..he just bought a DVD entitled "Tiger's 18 Favorite Holes", and the damn thing is about GOLF!!