Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wants to do it like they do on the discovery channel

   ALCOHOL- Helping the beautiful horny people finding then waking up to ugly people since 33'.

   just because everything's different, doesn't mean anything's changed..!!!

   thinks it's often easier to ask for forgiveness, than to ask for permission..

   thinks that friends are the most important part of your life. Treasure the tears, treasure the laughter, but most importantly, treasure the memories

   thinking the perfect holiday date for me this year has WELL HUNG stockings, a mistletoe belt buckle, nice christmas balls and NUMBA 1 SPOT on the naughty list.

   why is that everything is the same day by day, but in 5 years everything is so different?

   "This dog,is dog,a dog,good dog,way dog,to dog,keep dog,an dog,idiot dog,busy dog,for dog,20 dog,seconds dog," Now read without the word (dog)

   No one needs a vacation more than the person who just had one.

   about the time we make ends meet, someone moves the ends.

   How did they know kurt cobain had dandruff... they found his head and shoulders on the floor;)

   not all women are annoying,,, some are dead

   If I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting head

   Michael jackson hasnt been this stiff since Mucully Culkin spent the night at Neverland ranch..

   a man walks up to his wife with a sheep under his arm, and says.. this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headach... confused, the wife says... thats not a pig under your arm?? I wasnt talking to u, replys the man

   first a man, then I was a dragon-man, then I was just a dragon. TROOOGGGDDDOOORRR!!!

   would describe himself in 3 words........moody,annoying,awesome......(the first 2 are what my wife said when I asked her).

   : Women are like Vegetables: You need a Variety to remain Healthy!!!

   if everyone I knew was an artist and they could paint their lives on a canvas, then I'm afraid I would see far too many people using sandpaper instead of a paintbrush. Tragic.

   thinks Christmas must be near. Just found a partridge in one of the pear trees on Farmtown