santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   After countless days of research I have solved the mystery.....When Santa says HO! HO! HO!...He is thinking of last name of his 3 favorite naughty sisters...Ima, Ivana, and Anita...

   Hates putting lights on the Christmas tree, she feels like an elf being punished for being to tall

   I better lay off the Christmas cookies, my snow angel I just made looks like someone just pulled a stump out of my yard.

   I'm buying 100 Gyro-bowls for Christmas. I'm tired of spilling my vodka when I stumble out of the bathroom. who wants one?

   The thing guys want most for Christmas: A portrait of themselves in a karate outfit, leaning against a sweet Trans Am.

   If a really fat man grabs you and throws you in a bag don't panic its just santa collecting his ho's.I'm txtn you fm the bag.Bring alcohol! Thanks

   Dear Santa, please bring me a new butt, mine has a crack in it!

   Claustrophobia-The fear of Santa Claus

   So if the Mayans are right, does that mean this is the last Christmas to be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future?

   I always try to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during the holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret Santa.

   Step 1) Install coal stove. Step 2) Be naughty all year. Step 3) Wait on santa to deliver so I can heat up the house.

   I just found a Christmas present from last year for the kids....... should have seen their little faces when they opened it...poor little kitty!

   I'm dreaming of a 90 degree Christmas

   I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?

   I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors.

   Why cant Christmas colors be somthing other than red and green, I run so many redlights driving downtown thinking they are just Christman lights!

   Dear Santa, please let me take a look of your good girls gone bad list.

   "Do they know it's christmas time at all?" Yeah they should. They made most of the presents.

   "Roses are reddish, Violets are Bluish. If it weren't for Christmas, We'd all be Jewish." ~ Benny Hill

   Wanna play "Santa"? I let you sit on my lap and tell me what you want. I pretend to listen, call you a ho ho ho, stuff your stocking and you swallow some egg nog.