Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   saving his breath, I need it to blow up my date

   wondering when are guys gonna stop wearing their sisters faggety skinny jeans and wearing their hair in feminine haircuts?

   Women don't hit harder. We hit lower.

   X was here but now she's gone. She left her name to carry on. Those who knew her knew her well. Those who didn't can go to hell.

   used to hate going to the gynocologist. But now he's old and his fingers shake a little....

   Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

   Emo is to music, what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

   this message changes to Spanish as soon as you look away.

   Tiger Woods is officially black. His wife busted out his car windows with a golf club @ 3 am , & he clammed up when questioned by the police. Welcome back Tiger

   To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world

   The best person to get directions from is a 1 legged man...he knows the fastest and quickest way to get anywhere.

   Hell hath no fury like a women with a nine iron.

   You can tell that this is a rough situation for Tiger Woods and that it has him really tee'd off. I hope he gets a grip soon and irons everything out.

   share love not herpes

   What's the big deal with the 2 idiots that snuck in for a white house party for a couple hours? I can't turn on the news without seeing them. "W" pulled the same trick in 2000 and stayed for 8 years and he didn't get that kind of coverage!

   90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave their house. The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wife.

   heavily medicated for your protection.

   an argument is a compromise between fighting and running away

   Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop

   My mother wants me to get up and go to work. But the voices in my head want me to stay home and clean the guns.