santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Since being subtle is wasted on the naive...... I WANT A BB GUN FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!

   I'm about to overdose on Christmas music...

   trying to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn bottle opened.

   WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN ? IT STAYS UP FOR 30 DAYS & NIGHTS, HAS CUTE BALLS & LOOKS GOOD WITH THE LIGHTS ON

   All I want for Christmas is for my wife to swallow my egg nog one time!

   Do car companies REALLY think it's possible that a spouse is secretly able to obtain financing, purchase a car, have it wrapped in a bow, and delivered on Christmas Eve?

   Its pretty sad when even your xmas tree has blue balls.

   This Christmas I'm going to surround the fireplace with bubblewrap so I can catch that Santa and ask him why he never got me that pony when I was little and see how he is going to make it up to me or I will hold Rudolph hostage.

   Dear Santa, I thought I'd save you some time. There's no need to check your list. I've been very, very, naughty. I'll try again next year. P.S Why do you have to be so damn judgemental?

   ATTENTION BIEBER FANS: All shows have been cancelled until after the holidays. Sorry for the inconvenience, but Santa needs him in the workshop.

   I'm hoping the office Secret Santa happens early this year so I have time to regift before Christmas. I hate storing them for a year.

   Washington DC didn't ban a nativity scene this Christmas. They just couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin anywhere in the city

   All I want for Christmas is for Santa to give me a copy of his naughty list. ;0)

   Santa loves the rich kids more.

   Dear Santa, every year you bring me coal. Could you bring me a BBQ pit so I can use them this year? Thank you in advance.

   Has just been kidnapped by a fat man in a red suit and put in a bag, ALRIGHT! FESS UP! Who put me on there Christmas list?

   .♫♪♫..it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas...♫♪♫

   My girlfriend asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I replied "your sister." Was that wrong?

   ■I'm going to protect my statuses on Christmas this year so Santa can't “know when I'm not sleeping or know when I'm awake.” Take that!

   I'm excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?