Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Life aint nothing but a hide and go seek with death!!

   Heaven's not a place that you go when you die, it's that moment in life when you actually feel alive.

   Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

   eat, drink and make merry coz tomorrow we may diet.

   in a personal vacation inside my head

   if I stand on my tip-toes, I can see the weekend from here!

   Going to walmart with some friends of mine. Thats the best place to play hide-n-seek.

   ..is sleeping naked. I just wish that stewardess would go away. I don't care if there are children on this plane!

   Whats the difference between a wife and a prostitute? One's on contract,the other's pay-as-you-go.

   planning to hire a singing fat lady and take her to work, just in case someone says his tasks ain't over yet

   thinks that We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

   Leave Me Alone! I Am Not Being Rude, It's Just That You Are Insignificant

   that people think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

   dont waste ur breth on me sweetie, ull have2 blow up ur date later.

   a war baby. My parents took one look at me and started fighting

   On Saturday night the House narrowly passed the healthcare bill. They say the reason it passed was because Nancy Pelosi didn't blink. But she hasn't blinked since what, 1982?

   Wonders who the first idiot was that tried out a Shark proof suit?

   to work because the kids need new leg irons.

   Single and ready for Rumble!

   going to The Regal Beagle tonight with Janet and Chrissy. Larry will meet us later. When we get together, shenanigans will soon follow.